I Still Forget To Breathe

"Come on, canter"

His transition is smooth and seemingly effortless, he takes me around the large arena but decides to stop.

"No, canter." 

I say as I bring my outside leg back and squeeze.

And so he does. He lifts his legs and flows in movements like the wind.
I smile, but then he starts to trot again. 
But this time, he is unstable and unbalanced, he is going too fast.
I sit to his unbalanced trot and try to bring my leg back once again, but he trips.
"Right, slow down now"

My instructor says, and I bring him back to a soft walk, panting and afraid.
I pat him on his neck "good boy" I let out.

Walk, trot, canter, trot, canter, trot, walk. 
Walk, halt, trot, halt,, trot, walk.
Walk, trot, circle, canter, circle, trot, change the rein.
trot, canter, circle, circle, 10m circle, canter, trot, walk, long rein.
Walk, collect the rein, trot, halt, walk, jog, no...
Halt, walk, trot, walk, halt, no... Wrong.
Circle, canter, trot... Wong.
Walk, trot, jump?
No... 
Walk, trot, canter...
Slow down.

"Right, I don't care what you do, sing, talk, laugh. But you have to breathe. "

And she's right, I don't breathe. I go stiff and lose the softness in my movement.;
She makes a comment, I laugh and suddenly i become so much softer.
"When you laugh you suddenly breathe"
I never notice that I don't.

"You face is red, Are you hot or are you not breathing again?"

She smiles. It's a hot day. It's been an hour. 
More and more horses join the arena and I suddenly find that i have to navigate between a few beginners and a rider that seems to always get in the way of my circle. 
Walk, trot, canter.
Canter, trot, walk, long rein.
"Good boy"
I say one last time as I take both my feet out of the stirrups.
"Thank you"

I whisper as I jump down from the huge animal.

I loosen his girth and run up my stirrups, and now I lead him back down to his stable, to eat some nice and fresh hay and to drink some nice and cold water. 

"You could be one of my staff" 
It echoes, am I really that good?