A friend i gave a second chance to, a friend I thought would stay by my side.
I was wrong, dead wrong.
After I let him come back, after all the pain and all the tears, and after I was whole with him gone, I let him back.
And my mum told me, "you are making a mistake." But I didn't listen, I didn't care.
And she was right.
And she was right.
I made mistakes, but so has he.
I stayed loyal but he chose to leave me. I burst out at him because of something quite minor, but I burst because of other things that were happening at the same time.
I knew it was wrong, but I blocked him for 10 minutes to calm down, but by the time I unblocked him, to talk, he was gone.
I stayed loyal but he chose to leave me. I burst out at him because of something quite minor, but I burst because of other things that were happening at the same time.
I knew it was wrong, but I blocked him for 10 minutes to calm down, but by the time I unblocked him, to talk, he was gone.
I spent hours on the phone with his dad trying to talk things out, but they all blamed me, they all thought it was purely my fault. And I got lectured on it. But I took it, I prefer taking it and staying friends than the opposite.
But, after a few days of silence a friend contacted my boyfriend, and he showed him what that "friend" posted about me.
It was nasty and vile, and it was public.
I called and asked them to take the post down, It had a picture of our conversation in it, and my face was there, recognizable to all my friends to see.
They did. It was off.
That day he finally agreed to talk to me on the phone. We talked, or, I talked, for 1 hour and 57 minutes.
I told him at the end, I could change his mind. If i had another hour and if I spent more time trying, I could.
I told him at the end, I could change his mind. If i had another hour and if I spent more time trying, I could.
But i told him that I won't.
I told him I wish him to be happy and that I'll be there if he needs me. I also asked him to unblock me, which he did, but he did keep me message-blocked.
Many, many things were said in that chat, and many point were made. He called me a burden, a chore. And he said he never cared and he admitted there isn't a true reason as to why he wants to leave me behind.
"I have other friends".
He finally has other people and he decided to replace me. He decided to stop using me.
He said he just tried to make me happy...
I don't believe that for a second.
He cared, he proved he did in the past, self harm etc. But it was over and I knew it was.
It was over and it hurt.
He cared, he proved he did in the past, self harm etc. But it was over and I knew it was.
It was over and it hurt.
But somehow, I managed to look past the tears and move forward, one step at a time.
I was looking for closure, for something to seal my farewells.
So i smoked.
I stole one of my mum's cigarettes and I smoked. With every inhale I hated him more like I hated the flavor, like I hated the tears in my dry eyes, like I hated how heavy my lungs felt.
But with every exhale I let another piece of him go.
And i said it, with the last smokey exhale, I said it.
"Farewell motherfucker."
And I put the cigarette out.
And it was my closure. It was my last exhale of him.
I wasn't lying, if he needed me I'll be there for him.
But just like I plan to never smoke again...
You will NEVER be my friend.
