well, no. we did NOT have sex, but well, things got pretty sexual.
as i said, i have a boyfriend now. things i left out were a love triangle that formed but is now 'solved' and how close i got to him in the times we spent together.
i said i wanted to learn to love again, after everything that has happened to me before. he helped me figure out that after all im still capable of love. its true. i love him.
i dont really know if my love is just desire or if it really is love. i have a reputation of making these mistakes.. confusing these things together.. in my own eyes at least.. thats just the way i see myself.
i was lonely yesterday, its half term and i got sick of being alone the second day in.
i called him and asked him if i could meet up with him. he agreed.
we met where we all usually do, near a pub called 'the water tower'. which is, surprisingly, next to a water tower.
we had no clue what we wanted to do or where we wanted to go so we ended up going round his house. (very original.. isnt it?)
he has a king size bed.. i LOVE big beds.. gives us a lot of space to mess around.
we did out usual thing.. listen to music, mess around a bit play wrestling..(which puts us in very sexual positions)
it got to a point where he was on top of me, i could feel his breath on my face, and out foreheads were touching.
he kissed me. no, its not our first time kissing (and therefore obviously not my first ever kiss) but this time was different.
the kiss was longer, more intimate.
and well, as things go by we started making out.
i have the slightest of experience when it comes to that, enough to know what im doing.
it was his first time doing it, therefore i had to take the lead.
it felt good. he started to gain more confident as we go.
we were still rolling around on his bed, once im above, once he is.
i ended up sitting on his lap in a 'lap dance position', i found it the most fun as i was on top, but still not in full control, as he could throw me on my back and get on top of me at any time.
nothing went too far and no clothes were taken off.
although to be completely honest (which is pretty much the point of writing a blog) is was a huge turn on and i desired his touch. which.. i guess is normal..
i blame hormones.
i enjoyed it, a lot.
and im sure he did as well as he just wanted to keep going.
i dont know if i should feel bad for my desire for more. i just know i dont feel any regret for anything that was done.
i have limits. im not going to let anything or anyone break them.
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