do you ever blame yourself for everyone's loss?
WHY?
you know it isnt your fault,
you know no one else blames you...
but you hate yourself forever
for something you havent even done.
you think that everyone hates you for it.
you think you see only hate on their eyes.
but all there really is there is sadness,
as you are also.. someone they have lost.
when someone dies you lose them...
that is something that we all know.
what most people dont know is that there will always be another loss in that death.
people start to drift away when they lose something.
you will see that they have just suddenly changed.
this change is caused by their pain.
this person will think it is their fault.
they will change themselves to either avoid this happening again or to move away from what happened.
they will think they arent good enough
they will think they deserve to die.
some do.
some dont.
people say that the ones who killed themselves are weak.
but they have never been through this pain to judge.
and if they have, it wasnt strong enough to relate to.
those who stay alive relive the pain every single day.
they will think about it at night,
they will think of it during the day..
it will just get on their way.
the person who stayed alive will also become more mature.
thats because they now understand the concept of life.
they understand the way it ends.
but they will question it even more.
they will wonder what will happen when they die,
they will hope to meet the dead person again.
they will want to be with them.
but they cant. and they wont.
because they are alive, and the others are dead.
because they are going to hell, and the person they lost will indeed go to heaven,
they will never see them again.
and they know it.
or at least.. i know it.
at night they wont see them in their dreams..
because they never dream.
they barely sleep as well.
they start to develop personal hate toward every one and every thing they have even had.
then... they meet a person..
who can truly relate to what they feel..
they become friends, no, best friends.
and they start to move on.
after a year or two they are so close together.
they have been through a lot and their bond in unbreakable
they hold each other up, and every time they they are apart is deadly.
they found their other half.
a person breaks, a person loses everything they have...
but there is always hope..
and there always is something to look up to.
everyone has a second half.
not everyone found it, but they will.
my second half is know to you as The White Tiger.
she is the person i can trust to be there.
she is the one who holds me standing when i fall.
i try to be the same for her,
i dont always succeed, mostly...
i fail.
but it makes our bond stronger.
it makes me feel like everytime we fight it gets harder.
i cant handle losing her.
and i hope she feels the same about me.
even though we cant see each other face to face, and even though that her hugs are only virtual...
she saves me.
everyday.
if it wasnt for her i probably would have never come back here to write this post.
i hate this website so damn much..
but im here for her.
she is my best ever friend and she is my inspiration .
she showed me who i am after all this time i want being me.
i found my true self.
and i accept my self now.
i dont have much more to say..
and even though u already know this i want to say it again..
i love u.
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